"The Moat" by Renée Vivien

Originally published in Vivien's 1904 collection of poems, La Vénus des Aveugles, under the title "La Douve." [Side note: in that link, someone did a dramatic reading of the poem in French and she got really into it... (>///<) ]

Dawn with her steps sneaky as a stoat [1]
    and eyes like a jackal…
With my hands, I have dug this moat;
    I have built, sans vassal,
This tower of black walls around you.
Your horror will never see itself through;
Like a cancer, it will only continue to accrue,
    my love, most feudal.

Why should I care about your pathetic struggle,
    like a rat dragged through the mud?
How could it be worth my egotistical trouble,
    a rose bush without a single bud?
I am just as cowardly as any guy
And I summon you and I order you to stand by
And languish in my kisses which will nullify
    any hopes of escape without shedding blood. [2]

And I will maintain over your sex
    my right as sovereign:
I will make you smash your expression so complex
    against my face of iron.
Once you tire of watching the dawn of doomsday
And its sick skies of so many shades of bitter gray,
From the shadows where all hope is slowly eaten away,
    you will die of starvation.



Translator's Notes

  1. There were a lot of things I had to fiddle with in this poem to get the rhyme scheme to fit in English! This line was one:

    L’aube a des pas furtifs de louve
    Et des yeux de chacal…
    De mes mains j’ai creusé la douve ;

    The dawn has the sneaky steps of the she-wolf
    And the eyes of the jackal…
    With my hands, I have dug the moat;

    The big issue here is, the title of the poem is literally "The Moat" so I definitely have to retain that! But, then my rhyme choices are either "stoat" (which is a little ferrety weaselly thing) or "she-goat" – neither of which have the same emotional impact as a she-wolf! I figure the stoat would probably closest in this context, though…➥

  2. Original:

    Je suis aussi lâche qu’un homme,
    Et je t’ordonne et je te somme
    De languir en mes baisers comme
        En un étroit donjon.

    I am just as cowardly as a man,
    And I order you and I summon you
    To languish in my kisses like
        you were in a narrow dungeon.

    I think the "guy" rhymes turned out fine, but the last line I struggled to find a way to make it rhyme with "bud." I think what I came up with still gives enough of a vibe of medieval punishment without any hope, so I think it's fine…➥