one step at a time
Madeleine is mortified when her girlfriend Julia says she’s coming over. Of course she can’t wait to see her again, but… she’s kinda had a rough last couple of weeks. (human au)
- I wrote this at the beginning of the pandemic in the middle of an (ongoing) depressive episode, lol.
- I was channeling some old tropes that have now fallen very out of style, like songfics. Still, it was surprisingly comforting to write.
- (also, can you believe that I can't find any pixels of nyo!pru?? I might have to make one, one of these days... --> made one 04/21/23, lol. she's not perfect, but whatever)
Madeleine woke up when she felt something faintly vibrating by her arm. The sunlight filtering in through the curtains was nearly blinding as she dug through layers of bedding, trying to find her phone. “Oh, hey, Jules,” she finally answered, rubbing her eyes. “Any particular reason why you’re calling rather than texting?”
“Isn’t wanting to hear your voice again enough? I mean, not to get all sappy on you, but you don’t even turn on your camera or microphone during Zoom lectures. It almost felt like I was dating a ghost,” Julia said. “Like, that’d be one thing if it was in one of Moni’s romance novels, but I just can’t live that kinda life!”
“Mm, I miss you, too, babe.” She crawled back under the covers, dryly entertained by her girlfriend’s normal theatrics.
“Aw, I was hoping you’d sound more excited! Especially after I got you a gift and everything…” Madeleine could practically hear her exaggerated pout.
“Oh?”
“Yup, the Awesome Me is going to be gracing your presence real soon!”
Wait, what?! Madeleine shot straight up and stared incredulously at her phone. “You’re coming over!?”
“You don’t want to see me?” Now the hurt in Julia’s voice seemed more genuine. It tugged at her heartstrings. “Really?”
“Ah, that’s not it, exactly, but you still should have, uh, told me that you were coming.” Madeleine bit her lip. “So, about how long until…?" This question was promptly answered by a knock on the door. Shit!
Throwing her phone down on the pillow, Madeleine squinted, trying to find something to throw on so she wouldn’t have to answer the door in her panties. She didn’t have much luck scanning the blurry piles littering the floor, though, so she just slipped on the oversized maple leaf-printed sweater hanging off the side of her bed, figuring it would be long enough. But should her brush her hair? Her teeth? Just pull a bag over her head and call it a day?
The knocking resumed from the other room and she could hear Julia’s muffled voice: “Birdie? Ya coming any time soon?”
“Aah!” Madeleine tried to put her hair in a messy bun in an attempt to make herself at least somewhat presentable, but found it was too tangled to do even that. She sighed, resigned to her fate, and stumbled to the front door, hugging the wall all the way.
Not a second after the door was unlatched, she was enveloped in her girlfriend’s tone arms. “I missed you so much!” she exclaimed. Madeleine froze, and, moments later, Julia pulled back. “Ah, sorry,” she said, then went quiet.
Madeleine could feel the weight of her eyes judging her and her mess of an apartment. She felt so disgusting… “I’m gonna, uh, go take a shower,” she mumbled, before trying to make her way through the blurry, cluttered living room. She cursed at herself as she nearly tripped over one of the many bottles littered about the floor; the tears threatening to spill over definitely weren’t helping her shitty vision at all.
“Do you need any, uh…?” she heard Julia ask.
“No,” came her immediate response. Then she slammed the bathroom door.
♥
Upon stepping out of the shower, Madeleine grabbed a brush and tried desperately to run it through the horrific clump her hair had formed over the last few weeks. More tears gathered in the corners of her eyes as her furious strokes pulled sharply on her scalp. Until the brush stopped moving entirely. “Fuuuuck,” she moaned as she sank to the floor. She couldn’t even brush her own goddamn hair…
There was a light knock at the door. “Maddie, are you okay?” came the soft voice from the other side.
She couldn’t respond. She just curled tighter into herself; a helpless, shivering ball on the floor.
Another knock, then the door cracked open slightly, releasing some pent-up steam and a small ray of light into the otherwise dark hallway. Madeleine felt a towel drape around her shoulders, then she was gently lifted and sat down on the cold toilet seat. She slouched over and hid her face in her hands; her breathing just as shaky as the rest of her as she tried in vain to stop her tears. Julia stood beside her and started awkwardly rubbing her towel-clad back. “It’s going to be okay,” she whispered. “I’m here for you, birdie, and I always will be.”
Between shallow gasps, Madeleine let out: “I-I’m sorry that, that you have to, to…” She felt so unbearably pathetic. “I’m so sorry…”
“No, no, no,” Julia said, taking her hands and slowly lowering them from her face. “You have nothing to be sorry for.” Madeleine felt hypnotized by the pure concern and love, she found in Julia’s eyes. Eventually, however, she managed to pull herself away and closed her eyes, trying to recall some methods she had read about online to even out her breathing. Ten, nine, eight, seven…
Once she had regained her breath a bit, Julia suggested: “Do you want to talk about it, maybe?” She paused. “Or, at least, when something’s bothering me, that always seems to help…” Madeleine opened her eyes briefly to meet Julia’s, then abruptly removed her hands from her grasp, stood up, and left the room. “Ah, wait,” Julia called, but Madeleine just shook her head.
Tears still streaming down her face, she went to her room, leaving a trail of water all the way, and plopped herself down at her desk, grabbing a notebook and pen from a drawer. As if she were possessed, the thoughts that had been spiraling out of control in her head transferred themselves to the paper in a rapid, unfamiliar, almost illegible scrawl. That she hates herself. For being unable to take care of herself. For being so weak. For being a burden. And that everyone else certainly must hate her, too. And that the world literally seemed to be falling apart around her. And that it feels nice to be clean… She heard her girlfriend’s heavy, booted footsteps coming from the other room, and briefly wrote about that, as well.
Madeleine had a full page by the time the kettle’s high-pitched cry filled the apartment. She took one last glance over the paper in front of her and wiped one last stray tear from her eye. The paper was subsequently torn out, ripped up, and thrown away, taking with it the majority of the negative emotions that had been building up in her lately, for the time being, at least.
The brush still entangled in her hair clicked against the back of her chair as she turned to see Julia popping her head in the door. "Hey, I made tea--" Julia suddenly stopped, a light blush dusting her cheeks. “…if you were, uh, interested,” she finished, averting her gaze. It took Madeleine an embarrassingly long time to realize what the problem was; but when she finally did, she let out a little squeak, then pulled the towel back over her shoulders. “So, yeah, I’m just gonna, uh, let you get dressed first,” Julia said, closing the door.
After a bit of digging around in the endless pile of dirty clothes on the floor, Madeleine managed to find a simple outfit that wasn’t that much worse for wear: a not-so wrinkly t-shirt, some underwear, and, to her delight, the pair of shorts with cute little bears on them that had gone missing for almost a year, but had simply gotten shoved under the bed at some point.
“Are you decent?”
“Yup.” Suddenly, Madeleine was scooped up in her girlfriend’s warm embrace for the second time that day and she was finally able to really sink back and enjoy it. It really had been such a long time since they had last seen each other in person – almost two months. While normal classes were in session, they lived within walking distance, but now, with Julia deciding to go back home and Madeleine staying in her apartment on campus, they were easily an hour’s drive apart.
“...Wait. Why did you come back out, anyway?”
“Well, I had to come empty out my dorm and I thought it’d be the perfect opportunity to visit my little birdie!” She gave Madeleine a final tight squeeze before pulling back. “By the way,” she said, “I thought you might be looking for these…”
Madeleine jumped as something cold was plonked onto her face. “What the fuck, Jules?!” She could finally see her girlfriend's shit-eating grin clearly.
“They were in the freezer.” She gave a little nod. “Next to the Hot Pockets.”
“Ah.”
“But, for real, come on,” Julia said, grabbing Madeleine’s hand.
Madeleine let herself get pulled out of the room by her girlfriend, but stopped once they got out in the hallway: she first noticed the overstuffed garbage bag propped up by the door, then the clean floor that came along with it. “You really didn’t have to do all this…”
“Oh, no, it’s fine. This was actually the easiest thing to cross off the list. …But, seriously,” she said, continuing to lightly pull on Madeleine’s arm. “The tea’s gonna get even colder!”
They walked into the kitchen. “I didn’t know I actually had any tea left. Do you even like it?”
Julia shrugged. “Eh, I found some in the back of the cupboard. I was gonna make hot chocolate, but your milk is bad. And I figured anything would be better than hot chocolate made with water."
“Mm, agreed.” Madeleine sat down at the kitchen table, pulling one of the cups in front of her. “Thank you, Julie,” she said, softly smiling, and took a sip.
“No problem,” Julia replied, smiling back. Her hand reached out under the table and found Madeleine’s once again. They sat like that for a while, drinking their tea, silent, simply enjoying each other’s presence.
“Like I said earlier,” Julia eventually piped up, “if you ever need anything, I’m here for you, y’know?”
“I know.”
A long pause. Then: “Uh, actually,” Madeleine started, keeping her gaze focused on her half-empty cup, “is there any chance you’d be willing to, uh…?” She loosely gestured to the brush sticking out of her still dripping head.
“Oh, yeah, totally!” Julia said, popping out of her chair and the room. She shortly returned with a bottle of detangling spray, then led Madeleine out to the living room.
Settling down in the middle of the newly cleared living room floor, Julia put her armful of hair supplies next to her, then patted the area between her outstretched legs. Madeleine made herself at home. “Alright, close your eyes,” Julia said, before liberally spraying the back of Madeleine’s head, then started gently tugging on the brush. “God, it’s really in there, isn’t it?”
“No shit, Sherlock,” Madeleine grunted, biting her lip.
“…Yeah, I have no idea what I’m doing. Give me a second.” While Julia Google’d what to do, Madeleine watched a trail of ants marching across the room to a stray jellybean that had fallen under the couch at some point and cringed.
“Oh, okay. I see,” she finally said. Trying to follow a video she found, Julia held onto the handle of the brush with one hand, then started to gently unwrap a little bit at a time. Despite her best efforts, however, a strand would occasionally get pulled pretty roughly, making Madeleine lightly moan. But, after about ten solid minutes of work, Madeleine’s head suddenly became much lighter.
“Ah, thank God!”
“Not so fast.” Julia ran her hand through Madeleine’s hair, only for it to get stuck multiple times. “We may have won the battle, but not yet the war… I just have to find the right playlist,” she added, fiddling with her phone again. “There we go!” Starting at the bottom, Madeleine felt the newly freed brush making short strokes through the last few inches of her hair, the pace changing with the beat of the song playing.
“Ah, I love this band!” Julia said suddenly and sped up her brushing. “Links, rechts, g’radeaus,” she sang along, a bit off-key. Then, she stopped for a second, leaned in real close to Madeleine’s ear, and huskily whispered: “Du kommst hier nicht mehr raus.”
Her cheeks grew warm. “Oh, wow… What does that mean?”
Julia paused the song. “Uh, there’s an English version, if you wanted to hear it. It’s probably on Youtube… search for ‘Labryrinth’ by Oomph. I prefer the German, though, obviously.”
“Oh no, it’s fine.”
She shrugged and went back to her work. Once the brush could glide smoothly through that section of hair, Julia moved a few inches up and restarted the process. A few strokes later, though, she stopped again.
“Huh?”
“Just flicking away an ant.”
“Ah.”
With that, Julia got back in rhythm, continuing to sing dramatically. “Klopf, klopf, lass mich rein! Lass mich dein Geheimnis sein! Klopf, klopf…”
♥
Finally, Julia exclaimed: “There we go, you’re all done!” She paused, twirling a lock between her fingers. “Although, while we’re here, is there any particular style you want?”
“…Whatever you want to do is fine.”
“No! This is for you. What do you want, Maddie?”
Madeleine stopped to think. “Well, I think double French braids are really cute, but I honestly don’t know how to do them on myself… Of course, though, if that’s too much work or something you can—”
Julia brought the tip of the lock she was playing with to her lips. “As you wish, princess.” Madeleine blushed again. She closed her eyes as she felt Julia separating her still wet hair, letting both dripping halves cascade over her shoulders, then turned her head to give her better access. “Y’know,” Julia whispered into Madeleine’s ear, mid braid, “I could stay here for a while, if you wanted.” Madeleine stiffened, but Julia continued before she could refuse. “In fact, I insist. I mean, it’d be easier to just bring my shit here than to try and lug it all the way back home, don’tcha think?”
“That… that seems really nice, actually,” Madeleine said, a small smile crossing her lips. “I would love that.”
They shared a brief kiss, then Julia resumed braiding. “Besides, I’m sure Moni can man the fort just fine without me. Maybe even better…” While tying off the bottom of the first braid, she added, in a much more serious tone, “I wasn’t joking about the list earlier, by the way. We have so much shit to do.”
“…I know.”
Leaning in a bit closer, she said, softly: “But, I guess there wouldn’t be much harm in taking the rest of the day off and watching a movie instead.” She planted another kiss on Madeleine’s cheek. “After all, it’s best to take life one step at a time.”